Five tips for your first year of college from The Righteous Mind

Happy Labor Day everyone.

As we sit here on the eve of the school year, I wanted to highlight five things from The Righteous Mind which I think might be helpful as you start your college career.

5. College is an opportunity to broaden the palate (p. 141).

To use Haidt’s example of the taste of sweet beverages, just because an Eskimo tribe might lack a sweet beverage like apple juice or Coca-Cola, it doesn’t mean they lack the sweetness receptor. It more likely just means they have had no access to fruit to make the beverage. College allows us a number of new, similar opportunities. Maybe enroll in a course you’d never even thought of before just because it sounds cool, or try out a new sport like ultimate frisbee. (OK I might be biased with that last one).

4. Winning arguments requires a gentle hand (p. 56).

Haidt uses this analogy: “Just like you can’t make a dog happy by forcibly wagging its tail, you cannot change people’s minds by utterly refuting their arguments.” Another way to think of it might be changing the direction a moving car. Just like the mind’s elephant, a moving car has a lot of momentum. Which of these will be more effective at getting a car to alter its direction?


As an alternative to trying to stop a car’s momentum all at once, Haidt quotes ‘elephant-whisperer’ Dale Carnegie and his book How to Win Friends and Influence People: “Begin in a friendly way, smile, be a good listener, and never say ‘you’re wrong.'”

3. It’s not all about war (p. 252).

To quote Haidt, “Group selection does not require war or violence… In general, groupishness is focused on improving the welfare of the in-group, not on harming an out-group.” As you meet different people and make new friends, try not to be the type who comments negatively about others in an effort to be part of a group. We are not in high school anymore.

2. Some problems really can be solved by regulation (p. 348).

I guarantee that sometime this year there will be a university or class rule which you do not fully agree with or understand. This happened to me when I was in college and it happens to me even today. Over time, however, I’ve come to agree with the point Haidt makes here that the inefficiencies and hassles of rules are often balanced by their positive consequences and intended effects. Feel free to ask about anything you don’t understand, though. Professors and administrators are usually happy to explain to students the intent of their policies.

Speaking of which,

1. Our campus community is part of a shared intentionality (p. 238).

Haidt quotes Tomasello, who describes the difference between humans and other primates: “At some point in the last million years, a small group of our ancestors developed the ability to share mental representations of tasks that two or more of them were pursuing together. For example, while foraging, one person pulls down a branch while the other plucks the fruit, and they both share the meal.”

When I was in college, I remember feeling nervous to visit my professors’ office hours with questions. I felt like maybe they had more important things to do and I didn’t want to bother them. Now that I am the professor, I know how silly that way of thinking was. We chose this line of work because we enjoy it, sometimes at a big pay cut compared to alternative careers. Students and professors are part of a shared intentionality. Your education is our goal, and we enjoy teaching and helping you learn.

Comments? Disagreements? Again, these are my own tips, so feel free to use or ignore as you wish. Either way, I hope you have a great first year here at UMass-Dartmouth!

60 thoughts on “Five tips for your first year of college from The Righteous Mind

  1. Alexandra Solari says:

    Throughout this book, there are a lot of things I do not necessarily agree with, but in his section, “Winning arguments requires a gentle hand (p. 56)’ I completely agree. I have very strong opinions about a lot of things, and I know that having a heated argument with someone about it is not only going to just aggravate me, but aggravate them. I highly doubt that anyone will change certain opinions I have, and having these arguments are useless. However, if there is a person who has a ignorant opinion such as being gay is wrong or that being a person of color makes you less of a person they need to be educated and simply yelling at them to change their opinion is going to do absolutely nothing. So, if you are really trying to change someone’s view, it’s probably best to educate rather than have a heated argument.

    • Danielle Noack says:

      I 100% agree with what Alexandra saying. It is impossible to change someones view by stouping down to their level. This brings me back to the heated debates that were going on during the fall orientation. To give some background… 3 actors were acting out various scenarios from “college life.” following the small acts us students were encouraged to have a dialog with the actors. I began to get annoyed when every singe dialog got nowhere. No one seemed to understand that instead of yelling they could educate the actors (as stated above) and maybe things would have run more smoothly. I am so glad you brought up this point because morals were brought up so much in the assembly today. I would love to hear from someone who thinks that heated debates will get you to a point where you can change someones point of view.

    • Jessica Silva says:

      I agree, I feel as if it is to survive at this establishment with little to no negative confrontation, we all should consider Haidt’s opinions in that particular section when having an argument with another. We’re all here for the same reason, to educate ourselves, and we all have read this book so we might as well take something from it and treat each other with respect, and a “gentle hand”. Heated arguments will get us nowhere.

    • juan carvajal says:

      i also agree, that you need to be gentle. you need to be gentle because at the end of the day two people yelling at eachother wont lead to anything. yet having a conversation in a civilized manner can lead to knowledge. Everyone argues to absorb and or send out information in some type of way. yelling will just create enemies, and fights.

    • Lisa Bontemps says:

      I see what you mean. One quote that spoke to me was “anyone who values truth should stop worshipping reason”. People do tend to look at things what they call “logical” and take what they believe to the extreme. They shut down the views of the people around them because its not their own. What they don’t realize is that the truth will always make more sense then reason despite their beliefs.

  2. Louisa Stansbury says:

    The book has an interesting spin on trying to pin point these tips unto college lifestyle as well as the concept of college itself. However I feel as if these tips do not only apply to college itself. Granted back in high school many were coddled throughout academics; the social aspects of high school still are extremely similar as to social aspects of college. This is where the first quote of “College is an opportunity to broaden the palate (p. 141)”, I feel becomes a bit “hyped up” for lack of better terms. In reality, everything a person does or chooses has the opportunity to “broaden the palate” of said person. College is without a doubt a stepping stone in most peoples’ lives due to the shock of reality with leaving their surroundings that people were accompanied to for such a time. However, different types of jobs, life events (marriage, birth, death, etc.), and even something as simple as a change in diet, create a variety of new colors to fill one’s palette. In a whole, yes it is important and is a change but, it is not the biggest change or shock to the world.

  3. Emily Hildick says:

    I liked reading this post because it’s interesting to see how the things we read can actually relate to what we are experiencing right now. I think a lot of people find it difficult to make connections between a book and their lives, especially one like this which requires more analysis.

    • Katelynn says:

      I agree with this statement and I feel like listening to people talk during the discussion helped me get a deeper understanding of the metaphors. I now understand why we were assigned the book and how it can help make the transition from high school to college easier.I thought that the book was one of the best books that I have had to read for school!

  4. Matt Daly says:

    The Hive Switch,
    I agree with what Haidt had to say in this chapter about leadership and how it works. The keys to leadership is the complement of followership. This is taught at such a young age that people don’t even notice it. People are always trying to find similarities with others so they can be comfortable.

  5. Rebecca says:

    I agree! Having an argument with someone will only make a bigger argument. The more you argue about something, the more intense the situation will get!

    • Calwyn Morris says:

      I agree as well, I like how he is saying that winning an argument is pointless because you cannot force someone to agree with you but if you have a discussion you can relay your thoughts to others much easier than an argument.

  6. Matt Daly says:

    Part III Morality Binds and Blinds
    Chapter 9
    Haidt talks about his feelings on the terrorist attack on 9/11 and discusses how he didn’t know how to react at first. His brain just freaked out because he wanted to express his patriotism, but not to just his country but to all of the countries. Like many people after this attack on not just the U.S but on the world people wanted to help those who were hurt and show that we will come together and not let the terrorists win. Haidt decided to give blood and donate money to red cross. Even just that small act of kindness shows that anyone can make a difference. (219)

  7. Rebecca Geary says:

    If you argue with someone about a specific topic, and you both have different views, all it will do is make the argument larger!

    • Shaqueir Tardif says:

      Not always. It relies on the two people who are arguing not to develop any anger when in a conflict, although such actions may be difficult to do in some situations. Nevertheless, all it takes to stop an argument is one person simply and kindly proving their point but also take into consideration the the other person’s reasoning for their argument. There is nice and effective ways to disprove others in a way that will not cause a dispute to escalate into a brawl.

    • This is true, but both sides deserve to be heard and not every argument needs to escalade and become larger. No matter if you have different views, you still need to respect what the other person has to say. The chances of you changing the other person mind is still possible if you have good enough reasoning.

    • Nick Estrela says:

      I agree with you especially when both sides do not give the either a chance to voice their opinion. That makes for a very long and in some cases spiteful argument.

    • Edward Garcia says:

      Not necessarily, the only reason why I’m saying this is because yes it will make the argument larger but at the end of the day you can come to can come to see the situation from the other persons perspective. Therefore we could all understand each other and we wouldn’t have any conflict.

  8. Eliza Marks says:

    I liked how relatable this post because it gave an even deeper insight into what Hadit was outlining in his book in a more college-freshman directed way. College is a big transition with a lot of new people, personalities, rules and regulations that we might not all get along with/agree with, but we have to realize that there are better ways to go about resolving an issue or fixing a problem. We are now adults and can no longer defy rules or sink to another person’s level whether to avoid conflict or resolve an argument. It was a nice little reminder of Hadit’s points throughout the book.

  9. Mollie McCaffrey says:

    After reading this book I now look at attending college as a much easier task. This book has taught me so much about how to deal with the different kind of people that college will bring. My favorite part of the book was that winning arguments requires a gentle hand. I find this to be so true. When getting in a heated debate you never want to be made to feel stupid by someone. Having the feeling of being made stupid causes a person to rebel and make the other person feel even more stupid and uneducated, if you have a calm attitude toward a person and state facts in a tranquil tone the conversation will go over much more smoothly and it will be more likely to get your point across.

    • Joe venuti says:

      I completely agree on this topic. No one wants to be heard that they are wrong so in an argument when saying it, one should take it easy a bit and deliver it “with a gentile hand”. People can barely take criticism as it is, so in my eyes it is almost okay to kind of sugar coat it.

  10. Mollie McCaffrey says:

    I truley agree with the statement “College is an opportunity to broaden the palate” (p. 141). This year going into UMD as a commuter I thought i would show up everyday for class and then leave right after. I figured I have enough friends back home that I won’t need anymore. After realizing that most of my friends would be away at college I needed a way to make friends at college. I played tennis all throughout my high school years and it was something I really enjoyed. I figured college tennis would be too much work and heavier competition. I tried to talk myself out of it 200 times but finally convinced myself into doing it. I made the team and now have so many friends that I would have never met if I didn’t broaden my palate. College is a great opportunity to try new things and come out of your comfort zone.

  11. Erin Kish says:

    There is no doubt that college is an opportunity to “broaden the palate” because there are so many different types of personalities, or flavors, to choose from. Since birth we have been exposed to minds that are generally filtered by our parents. We have not had the ability to chose where we live or what school we attend, and for the first time in nearly 18 years, we have the opportunity to make all of our own decisions. College provides an opportunity to meet new people and have an insight on life beyond our own personal experiences. Haidt notes that, “Friends can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves: they challenge us, giving us reasons and arguments that sometimes trigger new intuitions.” With all of these new insights, one can definitely broaden the mind through hearing out others’ perspectives on issues.

  12. Edward del'Etoile says:

    Great Post. I agree with Tianna, I definitely appreciate a professor posting this. Haidt presents excellent metaphors thorough this book that can really help you, not only help in college, but life in general so long as you maintain a positive attitude and open mind.

  13. Calwyn Morris says:

    I think that it is interesting on pg 179 where Ralph Waldo Emerson says that the deepest truths are found in our own human intuition which can explain many things like our natural instincts to quench hunger, seek companionship, and reproduce.

    • Lisa Bontemps says:

      I find that quote very interesting too because as human beings we try to ignore the animalistic impulses when we could use them to help guide us.

  14. i agree with jessica silva because haidt does state that we are all he for a specific reason and that is to learn and educate ourselves. There is no reason that we should all get into a heated argument because that will get us all nowhere.

  15. Arguing with someone that has different point of views than you is going to bring the conversation no where good because all you are going to want to do is go back ad forth with them bickering on which person is right….

  16. Amira Patterson says:

    I agree with the argument that “Winning arguments requires a gentle hand (p. 56).” Not all matters require a negative or violent approach which also connects to “It’s not all about war (p. 252).” Other steps and actions can be taken to get the same outcome if you are willing. I believe that when in comes to winning an argument you can not force someone to see the way you see things making a gentle and open minded approach more reasonable when dealing with everyday people.

  17. Bryce Mitchell says:

    I agree with the fact that you can’t change peoples mind by simply denying their argument. If you deny what they are saying it will do nothing but aggravate them and then their mind won’t be open to your opinion on the subject they will just simply deny it. In the book it talks about appealing to a persons emotion to change their mind and I agree with this because then you can tell how they feel about the subject and appeal to their mindset.

  18. Kayla Depina says:

    I agree with this statement, “It’s not all about war”. The transition between high school and college is…well different, exactly what everyone told us before we got here. Honestly, I think of finding people who are like me, but I’m learning that I shouldn’t. I don’t believe I’m the only one either. We’re so use to having our own little clicks we forget there are other people. These couple of days on campus have really opened my eyes to the point that I see those other people. We shouldn’t limit friendships on common beliefs or likes or even looks. We should communicate and get to know other people who are not like ourselves. Who knows they might end up being our best man or maid of honor.

  19. austin urban says:

    I tend to believe that if you argue more then discus a topic people tend to argue more because people can be so self righteous in there own decisions that an argument will only make them believe more in there topic because they are less apt to listen to others

    • Andrew Pereira says:

      I completely agree with you Austin, I know a couple people just like this that don’t like to discuss things effectively. they just like to argue till they get the answer they’ve been looking for.

  20. Matthew Millman says:

    I agree on your fourth point which refers to Haidt’s reasoning behind winning an argument and I also praise the example that you have added to fit in his reasoning. But I do think that when it comes to college, winning an argument should not be your goal when you engage in a discussion with another person. I quote Haidt’s quotation of Henry Ford, who said, “If there is any one secret of success it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from their angle as well as your own” (57). My point, is that your mind should be open during such debates to allow yourself to understand to not only change the other person’s opinion on something, but also expand on your own understanding of a subject which may consequently lead to changing your own opinion. To quote Haidt, “.. if you do truly see [the other person’s opinion] the other person’s way-deeply and intuitively- you might even find your own mind opening in response” (58).

  21. Arjun Banerjee says:

    I completely agree with the statement “College is an opportunity to broaden the palate (p. 141). “College is full of potential opportunities or experiences that could forever impact your life. It’s up to us as individuals, to take advantage of these opportunities. For example, joining that Ultimate frisbee team could result in you meeting a future business partner, or even your spouse.

  22. apagan1 says:

    I completely agree with tip number three” its not all about war (p.252), “Group selection does not require war or violence… In general, groupishness is focused on improving the welfare of the in-group, not on harming an out-group.” i feel like this connects us back to the Hive Theory, we gather in groups not exclude others but to be accepted by people that we consider are “type of people”.

  23. Jacob Schell says:

    I find it crazy that different opinions always end up in arguments and there always has to be a right answer when people could work on a solution together that can fix the problem. People will put so much time and effort into destroying somebody else’s views but neither side will ever try to come up with a mutual solution.

  24. Ian Russell says:

    Winning an argument most certainly does need to be done with a gentle hand… I don’t believe I can remember a single argument in my entire life that ended in pleasantry of which either forced their opinion on the other. It simply isn’t how people are… Everyone truly is stubborn in a way that is absolutely best defined as a self righteous.

  25. Brianna says:

    Haidts fourth tip:” Winning arguments with a gentle hand” definitely opened my eyes and made me reconsider my approach towards how I explain my stance on issues and how I respond to others’ as well. I did learn a few tips on debating in one of my high school classes, but they only taught how to be aggressive and cocky as if you are right and that’s it. Haidt has proven that tactic to be wrong and I completely agree. You cant get through to people unless you step into their shoes first, at least trying to understand their view points and maybe learning a thing or two that might change your own view points. No one is correct when it comes to opinions or beliefs and so no one should come off like they are. It will never open up people to seeing your side, and so youd be wasting your time trying to convince the other party of why your views are worth considering.

  26. Nicole Johnson says:

    The idea that “college is an opportunity to broaden the palate (p.141)” is a condensed version of what is preached to students throughout high school. College is an opportunity to have new ideas and new opinions, including those regarding politics and religion. Parents may have previously influenced these topics, leaving little room for independent thought; however, this is no longer the case. Being on your own you will gravitate towards people similar to you in lifestyle choices, interests, goals, or a set of morals you follow. In college you will become a better version of yourself, shaped by the new experiences and people that you will encounter.

  27. Chiebuka Anuonyemere says:

    I agree with Alexandra’s statement. I have been alive long enough to know that you can’t win every argument, no matter how smart you are. Sometimes if you disagree with someone that has no idea what they’re speaking about you just have to approach gently. It’s not worth screaming and arguing because most times you will get caught up and personal. It is best just to speak gently and calmly have a discussion and see if they will understand what your point is.

  28. Amy Galindo says:

    I think that the most beautiful thing about the ability of a college atmosphere to “broaden the palette” is that it doesn’t even take much effort to allow it to do so. Our campus is incredibly diverse, and with all of the clubs, teams, and groups at students’ disposal, choosing not to allow all of this enrichment into your life, at least in my opinion, seems a bit ignorant. When you can learn anything, why not learn everything?

  29. Jonny Delva says:

    I completely agree with the idea #2, “Winning arguments requires a gentle hand” because people need to realize that not everything can be settled through an argument. Sometimes, people should get to understand each other’s point of view and peacefully resolve a dispute. In college, whether it’s your roommate, professor, or whoever, someone may disagree with you, but you shouldn’t take that to heart. Instead, you should just talk it out (unless ignorance becomes a factor, then you should probably just walk away).

  30. Reid Garrant says:

    I agree with Ian. I have been in an argument or two in the past and none have ended with a shaking of hands and complete agreement. I think that if someone believes in something enough, despite whether or not it is right or wrong, they will defend said issue.

  31. I agree with the first two comment you can’t try to change someone with what they believe is correct to them . People have there own opinions that shouldn’t be criticized.

  32. Alex Seibert says:

    When I was first reading over the regulations of living in campus I thought some of them didn’t make any sense but now that im here and see how crazy this place can be a lot more make sense. As in the Christmas lights rule I never saw it as a potential fire hazard till I was here and saw how easy it would be for them to start a fire.

  33. Derek Scalzi says:

    I agree that “Winning arguments requires a gentle hand” (p. 56) is true in most if not all aspects of life. You are much likely to change someone’s mind if you do not put them on the defensive. I myself am an extremely stubborn person and have an opinion on everything. I know that the second someone tells me that my opinion is wrong or begins to argue with me that i immediately go on the defensive and argue back. I would much more likely change my mind about a topic if someone discussed the issue with me in a calm manner rather than an argumentative tone. This quote by Haidt reminds me of the saying “you get more with sugar than with salt” and I couldn’t agree more.

  34. Christopher Melville says:

    Being completely honest I wasn’t happy with the idea of summer work coming off of one of the most stressful years of my schooling career, yet this assignment by far has been one of more applicable knowledge. Looking at the introduction of Jonathan Haidt’s work, It seems as though this was chosen as an introductory lesson into the “college experience.” Not only can and is this book meant for real world situations, but it seems to be exploring the reasoning of interaction between people and the groups they associate themselves with. Mind you this is only what I’ve been able to understand from the very brief introduction. I am very excited to see how Haidt uses his expertise in Moral Psychology to explain the construction of social history and present.

  35. Scottie Paradise says:

    4) ‘Winning arguments requires a gentle hand’
    When you argue, all parties put up knowledge from experience and reference, then either the more congruent option is chosen, or an entirely new solution is build from collective pool of knowledge. Although in writing, arguing sounds optimal for filling holes in your pillar of knowledge, but there are very different ways it can be taken. In a perfect world, everyone would collide their experience and knowledge together, and without entitlement or pride, they could solve nearly any problem.

    The problem arises when people who are argued against feel as if the other party isn’t knowledgeable, trustworthy, or they feel that they have mal-intent at mind. What starts to happen is the two sides will increase in energy as words are shared, but neither of them know everything about said subject. Instead of sharing the puzzle pieces of knowledge, it starts to turn into a push-and-pull war. I often picture it as two towers propped up against each other, and if any slip is made, the tower falls. The war is fought over there own beliefs and morals, but also in their in-competencies too. They will each feel as if either of them breaks or falls astray from being right, they’ll crash and burn along with their emotions and beliefs. the fear closely resembles death. You’ll know if your here, because your: mind will be occupied, a feeling as if its not over, no satisfaction, a dislike of the other person, or a dislike of yourself. you’ll often just spew out words.

    I feel as if this is where the above statement comes in. If you try to see it from the other persons point of view, and vibe with them as a person to try and telegraph to them that your someone who cares about them and is going about improving both there lives, rather then attacking each other, you’ll see better results then trying to stop them dead. Synergy is stronger.

  36. Scottie Paradise says:

    5) College is an opportunity to broaden EVERYTHING. I feel as if I now live in this oasis where I can build up whatever I need to take on the world. My goal coming out of college was closely related to money, but now after reading The Righteous Mind, my goals are shifting more towards self-actualization, or just being the most I can be.

  37. Will Uralowich says:

    I agree with the concept of how college is an opportunity to broaden everything because of how many different ways you are able to get involved in the campus.

  38. In order for any argument to reach a mutually gratifying conclusion, each side must—first of all—enter the discussion with an open-minded attitude. The point of any substantial argument should be for one or more of the parties to come away from the dispute with more concrete knowledge than they had previously. In order for this to happen, each side—whether they are essentially right or wrong—must be able and willing to thoroughly process each detail and aspect of the opposition’s stance. Open-minds and intent listening allows for everyone involved to take away some form of valuable insight from an opposing or slightly different perspective—insight that can be used for the betterment/modification of their own argument—which they may later use to positively influence someone else’s opinion(s) or quell their concern(s). Quite simply, arguments are an opportunity for the attainment and spreading of knowledge. At the very least, listening intently and being open to different perspectives will allow you to better understand where someone is coming from/why they might have reached their conclusions based upon their personal experiences, which is conducive to the argument flowing in a positive, non-offensive direction.

  39. Another important element within the infrastructure of any argument is body language. This—to me—seems to be an overlooked/underrated component in the development of arguments. The way you look at someone while they are explaining or defending their point of view can actually penetrate their train of thought and influence them in a way that inhibits their ability to properly/effectively explain their position. Additionally, your posture and the way you move your hands/body can tip-off your intention in the argument—whether it be to just “win” the argument or to actually come away with or promote additional knowledge/a better understanding of a topic. Remember, if someone feels uncomfortable during the discussion—they will consequentially feel less motivated to let the argument reach a natural, rational conclusion—in which case no one “wins”. Therefore, use appropriate and effective body-language that is not offensive or intimidating.

  40. Edward Garcia says:

    I agree with tip number three. I believe that some people judge and bully others just to hide their own insecurities. By doing so the person might feel as if they can fit in and act as if everything is just fine.

  41. Chelsea Cabral says:

    I agree with the statement that “Some problems can’t be solved by regulation.” The statement can be applied literally in any situation in one’s life, especially now for alot of us that are beginning a new chapter in our lives by starting college. I believe that all the “curveballs” that are thrown at us are supposed to challenge us and make us think critically. Regulating or trying to change the situations that we are thrown in will not teach us anything and should help shape ourselves and the overall way that we think and perceive our problems.

  42. Mariam Khanani says:

    This blog was really interesting to read. Seeing how the Professor wrote 5 very interesting tips by connecting the book to the post is a way to show how this book has great influence and meaning to a first year college student. I found the “It’s not all about war” tip eye catching. It is true that many first year still hold on to acting like a high school student due to them not being able to transition to a college student. It is basically stating that judgment against others is not the time and it is better to leave the judging back to where you came from. Overall, this post has a great insight on college and a good job connecting the tips to the book.

  43. I honestly think college is what you make of it. Your experiences can not be put into categories. Your years are yours to do as you please. You can take advice and points from the Righteous Mind. But use those points as a stepping stone or even a foundation to build yourself and make decisions that you feel are right.

  44. Sarah Thomas says:

    I think all of these are great points taken from The Righteous Mind, and they provide great guidelines for one’s first year of college. My favorite point made was “Winning arguments requires a gentle hand” (p. 56). This is because disagreements are never favored situations. When people disagree on something, it leads to an arguement that can cause tension or other problems between two or more people. Therefore, it is very important to keep in mind that even if you completely disagree with the other person or people, no one wants to be wrong. Forcing someone to see the error of their way might give you satisfaction, in the sense that you are right, or have potentially won the arguement, but can cause another person to feel badly about themself, or even bitter towards you, the one who had to prove them wrong just for the sake of being right. Therefore, being friendly, open minded, and accepting of other people’s views is one thing that I was able to take away from one of the many points Haidt made throughout the book.

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